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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Pizza Cat

During Pizza Hut's latest round of market research, one interesting fact stuck out. Take a look at this Venn diagram:
 It turns out that cat video viewers and Pizza Hut lovers are basically the same people! But what to do with this new found information? This is where some genius marketers stepped in. It turns out that both "hut" and "cat" have a "t" in them, so... Pizza Cats! Get it!

They made a web series about a Pizza Hut run by cats. This seems like a great idea, but they decided to make all the episodes as boring as possible (I guess I don't really get marketing). For example, here's episode three, Strategy Meeting! Get Pumped up!

I guess I get the joke. It is funny that cat's can't talk and don't have opposable thumbs to write stuff down at a meeting, but maybe we should be able to hear them think about how they hate Mondays? Maybe some genital licking? I don't know. By the way, if anyone wants help marketing their product, let me know. I've got a ton of ideas like these.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Cool Car Stickers

I don't have much to say about this. These are some stickers on a jeep like vehicle. Just another example of middle fingers on your car being acceptable and how some people are super against kissing... or can't read or something.

Monday, August 18, 2014

The Statue of Too Much Liberty

This is toy you can get in those "gacha gacha" capsule vending machines. It basically translates to the Statue of Too Much Liberty. It's interesting to note that the Statue of Liberty in Japanese is 自由の女神 which directly translated means "goddess of freedom." Maybe we should change the name? Anyway, Japan is making a mockery of our blessed statue! Her toes! Her naked toes! She would never show the public those! And her thick short fingers! Those are completely different from the ones most adolescents fantasize about!!!

Okay, those of you that know me personally know that I am definitely not a pro-war type of hombre. But you also know that I'm very for isolated air strikes on foreign companies. Get off the can Obama! Oh, I'm over reacting? Look at the other statues!
 There's a "shy" one, a "laying down" one, and a "making a bridge" one!

And a "sculptor" one and an "inviting" one! Again, we've all had dreams about some of these, but you can't just openly depict it!!!

Oh, they also made a weird video:

She's flirting with that camera guy. She asks him what kind of women he likes. He likes tall, free women with noses that stick out. But, alas, he's married.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Pain Problems?

Whether you've got a sharp pain on the tip of your butt, or... I guess like the corner of your butt...? We've got a giant thumb that can help.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Bacon Mustard Deepo Review

Japanese Food Review #85
There has been a lot of "buzz" about Calbee's new brand of thick potato chips. You'll recall that Girlbot and I didn't have a favorable view of the first round of Deepo chips. Well, Calbee reacted quickly by producing a new flavor: bacon-mustard. Of course, bacon-mustard is a flavor we're all very familiar with. It's probably been around since the time of Moses. Could the Calbee scientists really capture this traditional flavor in chip form? Um, yeah, I guess. The mustard was of a spicy variety and there was kind of a pork flavor in there as well.

Gaybot: 6  I thought it was an above average chip. The flavor was somehow familiar and interesting. Not great, though.
Girlbot: 3  She wouldn't get them again. Also, she felt the spice wasn't properly mixed. Some chips were quite spicy while others were bland. She preferred the spicy ones. Get on that Calbee!
Overall: 4.5

Hey Dudez

I guess I took a month off again. Also, I guess I'll try to continue publishing articles for this important source of information.

I've been pretty busy. For example, I packed a bag for a trip to the in-laws. I was assuming that I only had three pairs of shorts that aren't pajamas/swimsuits/gym shorts. Turns out two of them have sizable holes in the butt. You truly learn something new everyday.

Anyway, it's Obon in Japan. All the ghosts are visiting their old homes this week. I've been advised not to go swimming. Apparently the ghosts are friendly, but it's just too tempting to drown someone when you get the chance (even us living can relate, right guyz?).

I think that's all the information you'll need for today. And just like that, the Times is back!!!!

Friday, July 11, 2014

Learning about Poop

This is a new exhibit at a science museum in Tokyo. Kids learn about poop by putting on poop hats and sliding down a toilet into the exciting, poop-filled sewer. After that, they can listen to the toilet chorus sing. And of course there's a stand where they can make clay poops and set them in Japanese style toilets. I mean, this is science were talking about. I guess it's a little boring, but at least the kids are learning.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Spicy Pizza Potato Chips Review

Japanese Food Review #84
I was a big fan of Calbee's Pizza Potato series when I first came to Japan. They're potato chips that claim to have real cheese and pizza toppings on them. As time has gone on, perhaps my brain has realized that this is a gross concept (storing real cheese at room temperatures is gross, but this is obviously not real cheese), and I'm less enamored with them. Still, my tastebuds enjoy the flavor that is mildly reminiscent of pizza, and I find that I'm often compelled to purchase the limited edition flavors. The newest edition is just the normal chip with chili pepper added. You can see that it has received a grade of 5 out of 6 chili peppers. The chips were kind of spicy.

Gaybot: 4  They were worse than the originals.
Girlbot: 5   Her initial reaction was to give them a 4 for not being spicy enough. The second chip was apparently spicy enough to garner a 5.
Overall: 4.5

Friday, June 27, 2014

Happy Water Life Service

I think this guy is starting some new age Poseidon cult or something. Wait, no, that's my plumber.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Kira Kira Killer

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's new song is called Kira Kira Killer. It could be translated to "Sparkling Killer".  She's apparently some super hero. At the beginning of the song, she chants, "L-U-C-K!" but she can't really pronounce "L" like an English speaker, so that's fun. Kira backwards in Japanese is raki or lucky, so the chorus is that over and over. My horrible translation of the chorus:

Sparkling Killer lucky lucky lucky
Look, the future is happy happy happy
Sparkling killer from the sky now
Coming now 1, 2, 3, 4
Sparkling Killer lucky lucky lucky
Look, the future is happy happy happy
Sparkling Killer thump thump thump* fall in love
Sparkling Killer Sparkling Killer
Sparkling Killer magical power
Completely a Sparkling Killer

*a heart beating sound

Obviously people will debate the significance of these lyrics for centuries to come, but we can all agree that killers create at least a bit of happiness in this crazy world. Also, lucky, lucky, lucky.