Sunday, August 30, 2015

Toto Kids

Toto is a company that makes toilets. If you check out and scroll down a bit, you'll see a "Toto Kids" icon to click on. It's all in Japanese and is very fun. There's a video game where you try to get poop in the toilet. Lot's of other stuff as well. You can get pages to color and wallpaper as well. Here are a few of the pages:

Kids love jumping up a rainbow into the arms of a poop... far above a toilet factory, or something.

Always have to let the poop man put the final cherry on the Christmas cake.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Hamster No Ginji

@kawanabesatou is a semi-popular Twitter account that features pictures of hamsters in miniature worlds (mostly bars or coffee shops). If you want to see several of these photos a day, check out that link, or, if you want to see a couple pictures once, look below and do nothing else. Is that all clear now?

Told you guyz life isn't meaningless!

Friday, August 28, 2015

Kagoshima Governor Asks Why Girls Are Taught Trigonometry

Shouldn't we be helping lady brains
get even better at making cute food?
Yuichiro Ito, the governor of Kagoshima, asked, "What's the point of teaching high school girls about sines, cosines and tangents?" at a meeting with the prefectural board of education.

He later said, "I meant I've never used any of them. It was a slip of the tongue." I can totally relate to the guy. It's weird that I always talk about how women are lesser beings... Whoops! Another classic slip of the tongue. I meant I'm a lesser being, or whatever.

Source: Mainichi Shimbun

Also, mad props to @Mulboyne where I first saw the story.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

"COW" Brand Beauty Soap

Human 1: You have any ideas for the name of our beauty soap.
Human 2: Yeah, I was thinking "cow" brand beauty soap.
Human 1: Oh, I get it. Because you can brand cows and stuff.
Human 2: No, what? Because it's a product, like my Nike brand shoes here.
Human 1: Oh, wait, then why cow?
Human 2: You know, everywhere I go people are always saying, "Hey, look at that fucking cow!"
Human 1: ...yeah?
Human 2: Are you going to make me say it? I'm a beautiful man! Look at these thighs for God's sake.
Human 1: ...Yeah, I didn't have any ideas, so...yeah.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Green Curry Pringles

Japanese Food Review #106

Thai Curry Chip Week rages on! I don't have much to say. At first I thought they didn't really taste like green curry. They weren't hot at all and reminded me of fajitas a little. Still, it was a good flavor no matter what it was. I think the onion and pepper flavors were strong. The other flavor kind of reminded me of avocado, but I realized it was like coconut milk mixed with other flavors. After about five chips it tasted basically like green curry with almost no spice at all.

Gaybot: 7
Girlbot: 5  She likes them, but they weren't super good.
Overall: 6

Pringles easily wins.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Gaius Marius

I think it's safe to assume that anyone reading this blog also has a strong interest in ancient Rome. Also, you likely don't read "books". For some reason I read Plutarch's Life of Gaius Marius yesterday (the first part of the Penguin Classic Fall of the Roman Republic). If you actually care about history, you should probably read it, but I thought there were several interesting, unimportant facts and would like to share them with you. Just for reference, Marius lived from 157 to 86 BC. Okay, onto stuff no one cares about.

*Plutarch wrote, "The Spaniards in those days still thought that to be a bandit was a most honorable profession." God damn Spaniards never change.

*Before a battle with these Cimbri barbarians, the Cimbri  dudes thought they needed to show off how strong and brave they were. They got naked and climbed a mountain during a snowstorm and then slid down the steepest parts on their shields and jumped over crevasses. Dude, Youtube is going to get so much better if they ever invent the time machine camera.

*Plutarch said it's common knowledge that it rains after a big battle. Then he tried to reason why that would happen. It's either that some supernatural power is cleansing the earth or that the rotting flesh sends vapors into the sky causing rain. Both are pretty scientific thoughts. Tough to say which is right. Probably a combination of the two.

*Marius had a group of people in his house that wanted to kill this dude, Saturninus. Saturninus, who also came to the house through a different door, had done Marius a solid, so they were kind of allies. Anyway, Marius pretended to both parties that he had diarrhea and ran back and forth stirring up trouble. It seriously sounds like the best sitcom ever.

*In the end, it was clear that Sulla would return and murder Marius. Instead of fleeing or meeting death honorably, Marius just went crazy. He tried to drink himself to sleep at all hours of the day and seemed to be hallucinating being on the battlefield while on his deathbed. Plutarch, I guess just to make us understand that he thought Marius was an idiot, compared this to Plato's final moments when he thanked his guardian spirit for three things:

1. For being born a human and not an animal.
2. For being born Greek and not a foreigner.
3. For being born in the age of Socrates.

It really makes me think about how lucky I am. I mean, I hate animals, and I'm so glad I wasn't born one of those god damn, bandit loving, Spaniards. And I'm just so thankful to share this planet with Oprah and her brilliant mind.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Mango Curry Chips

 Japanese Food Review #105

Well, it's "Thai Curry Chip Week" once again here at the Times. This year we have two exciting entrants.

First up is a mango curry chip produced by Koikeya in their Exochip line. I believe Exochip is short for exotic chip, so my first reaction was to be incredibly turned on by these. Well played, Koikeya. The chip is said to combine the sweetness of a mango with the mild taste of coconut milk. You'd think they'd mention something about spices. They smelled pretty crappy and not particularly like mangoes or curry. There wasn't a strong curry taste, but it was there with a little mango taste that came on stronger the longer I chewed.

Gaybot: 3  It wasn't the worst, but after 5 chips or so, I'd had enough.
Girlbot: 1  She hates mangos. She said these tasted like chemicals (but she also thinks mangoes taste like chemicals). I didn't notice this at first, but after she pointed it out, I did notice there was a faint, soapy aftertaste.
Overall: 2

Will the other Thai curry chip score higher than 2 and take home the coveted trophy? Check back multiple times a day to find out!

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Tatsuya Tanaka

Tatsuya Tanaka has been making miniature sculptures out of household items everyday for the past five years. You can check out his miniature calendar here or follow him on Instagram. Below is a small sample of his work.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Crazy Party Night : Pumpkins Strike Back

We'll soon be 80 short days away from the spookiest night of the year! Time to break out the Halloween music. Kyary, of course, had another Halloween song a few years back, Fashion Monster. Pumpkins Strike Back seems to be an obvious reference to that of an empire striking back, so we can all look forward to even more Halloween music in the future.

Again, the chorus is very poetic. It captures the joy of a crazy party night so well, but, at the same time, it recognizes what Halloween is all about. It makes us examine our own mortality. It might cause our innermost fears to come to the surface, and in the end we can only but go mad realizing the absurdity of this reality... so it becomes all that much more of a crazy party night. The chorus goes like this:

Pum pum pum with pumpkin,
Dancing dancing Halloween,
Kawaii o-bake no Halloween (a cute ghost's Halloween),
Pu pum with pumpkin,
Crazy crazy crazy night,
Dancing dancing pumpkin,
Crazy crazy party night.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Potato Salad Potato Snack

Japanese Food Review #104

Most of you know that I have a pretty complicated relationship with potato salad.

Things I like about potato salad:

1. The flavor (sort of)

Things I don't like about potato salad:

1. Too wet

2. Sometimes you can feel the potatoes and other vegetables.

That's why I was so excited that Calbee made this snack. These are a version of Sapporo Potato, a snack that is usually vegetable flavor. They're shaped like fries and are mostly air. I think they're supposed to be a healthy alternative to chips, so if you're Japanese mom is an idiot, you're allowed to eat these instead of good snacks.

For this new flavor, Calbee asked some elementary school students to help choose the flavor. Kids are worse at life than other humans so the flavor is potato salad with apples. What the hell, kids? It might be that the kids just thought it would be super funny to mess with Calbee. That's for sure what I would've done.

Gaybot: 4  Pretty bad odor came from the bag. Mostly just tasted like potato salad, though. Sometimes I thought I could taste some apple in there. Nothing I ever want to eat again.
Girlbot: 5  She also didn't like them much, but she likes Sapporo Potato in general and ate most of the bag.
Overall: 4.5