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Thursday, August 28, 2014

TEMPURA KIDZ vs Charisma.com


Tempura Kidz, best known for being Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's backup dancers, have teamed up with Charisma.com, an electro-rap group. Maybe they don't know what "vs" means. The song is called Miira Kira meaning Mummy Killer. One site said that mummy is a metaphor for empty humans who have no will, or for people who hide their true selves (like a mummy does with bandages. Show us your rotting corpses you damn mummies!). I guess they want to kill those people, or just stop them from being mummies. I've got a big problem with their use of mummies. In the video a mummy bites someone who then becomes a mummy. What? Mummies ARE NOT zombies!!! I mean, maybe that mummy got bit by some sort of zombie monkey, but you need to explain that!

The video is supposed to look like an 80s countdown show in Nagoya. Every song on the countdown is the song we're listening to! I think they were hoping the video would be funny. The host drinks whiskey during a break. I liked that, I guess.

By the way, Charisma.com might be sort of big someday, so... I don't know, memorize them or whatever. They're pretty weird and hate a lot of stuff. The actual music (not the rapping) sounds kind of K-poppy to me. Here's maybe their first single? MC Gonchi commits a murder suicide at the end of it. They say it's about how they hate girls who say "kawaii" (cute) too much and just basically young people caring about fashion. "You're cool but fool" is part of the chorus. So that explains why they murdered those shadow people with green blood before taking their own lives.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Robot Dog Hospital Closed!!!


If you don't understand Japanese, you can probably skip watching this video. The videos starts by showing us a 62-year-old woman playing with her robot dog, Hokuto. She talks about how Hokuto is a member of the family and how, when she's out, she thinks about "the child" waiting for her at home. But this video is not about mentally ill robot dog lovers. It's about how the "clinic" for the AIBO robot has closed down.

When people bought these pets ten years ago, they thought their friend would be with them forever (mostly because they have no concept of what forever means). Now, Hokuto has a bum leg and there is no doctor for him. They also show a man with an AIBO that suffers from battery problems and can only stay awake a few minutes at a time. He recalls that his junior-high-aged daughter said she wanted to take the dog with her when she got married. He still hopes to make this childish dream (that the daughter likely no longer cares about) come true.

Luckily, some other crazy people have opened a shop where they try to repair these robot dogs using old parts of other dead robot dogs. The owner says that he understands why the original maker's hospital closed down, noting that there's no real profit in the business. He's doing this simply to "give people a member of their family back."

Monday, August 25, 2014

Consomme Punch Review

Japanese Food Review #86
I'm sure you are all aware that Natbot reported that Sharbot would like to read a review of a snack that Girlbot enjoys. First, a bit of a spoiler..., this is that review! A heated discussion was had before selecting this snack, for most of the snacks Girlbot enjoys are snacks that I, Gaybot, also enjoy. Also, most of the snacks she likes are pretty boring, like salt-flavor potato chips.

Anyway, consommé is one of the most common chip flavors in Japan. You know that soup you never choose to eat? Maybe you'd like it in chip form? The bag claims it is "the delicious taste you'll never tire of." Calbee chose to add the word "panchi" or "punch" presumably because it has a lot of flavor and not because it makes you want to punch pillows to get out all that pent up anger you have for your gerbils or whatever. I must say, Consumme Punch commercials are among the finest I've ever seen. There are a bunch of them and none of them make any sense. Please search for more yourself.

The first time I tried them I thought they were awful. I've actually avoided eating them the last couple of years even though they're almost always offered at parties and the likes. Perhaps the taste was just too foreign at the time, but they're really not that bad. For Girlbot, this was her favorite snack as a child. In the past, she would have given them a 10.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4  Again, they are not awful, but I can't imagine choosing to buy these.
Girlbot: 9  She thinks it's a sign of becoming an adult that she only gives these a 9 now.
Overall: 6.5


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Pizza Cat

During Pizza Hut's latest round of market research, one interesting fact stuck out. Take a look at this Venn diagram:
 It turns out that cat video viewers and Pizza Hut lovers are basically the same people! But what to do with this new found information? This is where some genius marketers stepped in. It turns out that both "hut" and "cat" have a "t" in them, so... Pizza Cats! Get it!


They made a web series about a Pizza Hut run by cats. This seems like a great idea, but they decided to make all the episodes as boring as possible (I guess I don't really get marketing). For example, here's episode three, Strategy Meeting! Get Pumped up!


I guess I get the joke. It is funny that cat's can't talk and don't have opposable thumbs to write stuff down at a meeting, but maybe we should be able to hear them think about how they hate Mondays? Maybe some genital licking? I don't know. By the way, if anyone wants help marketing their product, let me know. I've got a ton of ideas like these.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Cool Car Stickers

I don't have much to say about this. These are some stickers on a jeep like vehicle. Just another example of middle fingers on your car being acceptable and how some people are super against kissing... or can't read or something.

Monday, August 18, 2014

The Statue of Too Much Liberty


This is toy you can get in those "gacha gacha" capsule vending machines. It basically translates to the Statue of Too Much Liberty. It's interesting to note that the Statue of Liberty in Japanese is 自由の女神 which directly translated means "goddess of freedom." Maybe we should change the name? Anyway, Japan is making a mockery of our blessed statue! Her toes! Her naked toes! She would never show the public those! And her thick short fingers! Those are completely different from the ones most adolescents fantasize about!!!

Okay, those of you that know me personally know that I am definitely not a pro-war type of hombre. But you also know that I'm very for isolated air strikes on foreign companies. Get off the can Obama! Oh, I'm over reacting? Look at the other statues!
 There's a "shy" one, a "laying down" one, and a "making a bridge" one!

And a "sculptor" one and an "inviting" one! Again, we've all had dreams about some of these, but you can't just openly depict it!!!

Oh, they also made a weird video:

She's flirting with that camera guy. She asks him what kind of women he likes. He likes tall, free women with noses that stick out. But, alas, he's married.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Pain Problems?

Whether you've got a sharp pain on the tip of your butt, or... I guess like the corner of your butt...? We've got a giant thumb that can help.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Bacon Mustard Deepo Review

Japanese Food Review #85
There has been a lot of "buzz" about Calbee's new brand of thick potato chips. You'll recall that Girlbot and I didn't have a favorable view of the first round of Deepo chips. Well, Calbee reacted quickly by producing a new flavor: bacon-mustard. Of course, bacon-mustard is a flavor we're all very familiar with. It's probably been around since the time of Moses. Could the Calbee scientists really capture this traditional flavor in chip form? Um, yeah, I guess. The mustard was of a spicy variety and there was kind of a pork flavor in there as well.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6  I thought it was an above average chip. The flavor was somehow familiar and interesting. Not great, though.
Girlbot: 3  She wouldn't get them again. Also, she felt the spice wasn't properly mixed. Some chips were quite spicy while others were bland. She preferred the spicy ones. Get on that Calbee!
Overall: 4.5

Hey Dudez

I guess I took a month off again. Also, I guess I'll try to continue publishing articles for this important source of information.

I've been pretty busy. For example, I packed a bag for a trip to the in-laws. I was assuming that I only had three pairs of shorts that aren't pajamas/swimsuits/gym shorts. Turns out two of them have sizable holes in the butt. You truly learn something new everyday.

Anyway, it's Obon in Japan. All the ghosts are visiting their old homes this week. I've been advised not to go swimming. Apparently the ghosts are friendly, but it's just too tempting to drown someone when you get the chance (even us living can relate, right guyz?).

I think that's all the information you'll need for today. And just like that, the Times is back!!!!

Friday, July 11, 2014

Learning about Poop


This is a new exhibit at a science museum in Tokyo. Kids learn about poop by putting on poop hats and sliding down a toilet into the exciting, poop-filled sewer. After that, they can listen to the toilet chorus sing. And of course there's a stand where they can make clay poops and set them in Japanese style toilets. I mean, this is science were talking about. I guess it's a little boring, but at least the kids are learning.