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Saturday, April 19, 2014

Cherry Head Politician

Did you guyz see this picture of a politician wearing a giant cherry on his head? The man is the lieutenant governor of Yamagata prefecture and he was speaking at the city hall in Sendai. The purpose of the meeting was to plan for the "World Conference on Disaster Reduction" which will be held next year in Sendai (a city itself ravaged by the earthquake and tsunami of 2011).

So why was he wearing a cherry on his head? The most obvious answer is he was pointing out that attempting to avoid disasters is futile. After a few more trips around the sun we will all be dead, and it won't be many more trips around before no one remembers who you were. None of this means anything. Why do we wear ties, sit up straight, and pretend we are doing something meaningful? Look,  you can wear a cherry on your head. It doesn't matter. When you look at the big picture, nothing will change from what we do here. No one will remember even that a crazy man was wearing a cherry. What are we doing? I have a ton of whiskey in my car. Who's with me?

No, wait, kind of the opposite. He's just an idiot trying to appeal to cherry farmers in his home prefecture.

Source: Yomiuri Online

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Momoiro Clover Z Live

Momoiro Clover Z's 2013 tour can now be seen on Blu-ray and DVD. It's quite the steal. Only ¥5,800 on Blu-ray (about $60) plus tax! You don't need to watch this, but it is interesting to note that Momocuro seems to be starting some new age sect of Hinduism!

Also, I saw a clip of them on TV the other day that actually made me like them a little more. They went to a small fishing village in Aichi-ken all dressed up. The idea was to see if they could find their fans and to see if all the old folks there knew who they were. At one point, a bunch of young fans found them. One 18-year-old boy in particular was in love with one of them. He was encouraged to "confess" his love. (This is, I find, kind of a weird thing about Japanese, but telling someone you like them is a confession. Also, I think it might be more common to ask a couple, "Who confessed?" than, "Where did you meet?") Anyway, the boy started confessing the way you're supposed to. Basically, scream it like you're talking to a drill sergeant and then bow. One of the other members of Momoir Clover Z "kancho-ed" him. (Kancho literally means "enema" and involves sticking your two index fingers up the victim's butt). Everyone thought it was funny, but they pointed out that it was a bit strange for a 20-year-old celebrity to kancho an 18-year-old. Some things are true in any culture.

Mr. Japan Dance Rehearsal

I know a lot of you might be a little Mr. Japaned out, and the rest of you don't even want to think about how we're still about 340 days away from the next Mr. Japan competition, but this it still worth a look. The video of the rehearsal is closer, so you can really see how cool they are. Also, they do a lot of cool, orchestrated grunts that you couldn't hear at the real event. Sweet dreams tonight, my friends.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Construction Gods

Apparently it's traditional to have a priest bless your land before a building is constructed.

Here is a makeshift shrine. Presumably some members of the company in charge of making the building and the family that owns the land were in attendance. It was weird. I thought they were starting construction because a couple guys took a ton of time measuring where the shrine would be. I guess Godzilla hates when you pray two centimeters to the left.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Apple Pie Potato Chips Review

Japanese Food Review #81
We all learned in history class that Johnny Appleseed was a real human with oh so many blisters upon his feet, but what your junior high teacher didn't tell you is that he was a horrible sex addict. Apparently after Johnny reached his goal of "American pie-ing" a lady in every state, he started trying to knock every continent of the list. I wonder if he knew that his sex vacation in Japan would someday lead to apple pie potato chips. I'm going to guess that a great man like him probably knew this was coming. For shame, Mr. Appleseed!

Anyway, Calbee is making a series of chips with famous flavors of different regions in Japan. Everyone knows that northern Honshu is famous for apple pies, so why not make it in chip form?

Gaybot: 3.5  It's really not that bad. The sweet apple taste is pretty faint and there's only a little salt. Also, the bag said there would be a cinnamon flavor, but that was even fainter. Surprisingly edible.
Girlbot: 4  She said it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good.
Overall: 3.75

Sunday, April 13, 2014


Japanese Indie Music Sundays

This is another band on Dead Funny Records. They're two guys and two music gals from Fukuoka. Their label says they sound like Liz Phair or the Breeders. I probably only know the singles, but I'm pretty sure they don't sound like Liz Phair. They definitely have an American 90s indies sound, though. Three of them have normal Japanese names, and the lead singer goes by Zebra. Zebra's English pronunciation is actually okay. Here's a song about blind people.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Embarrassing Drunk Moment

This guy isn't all that drunk, I guess.
Everybody has one of those stories where they drank a bit too much in front of their co-workers and did something embarrassing. Maybe you spilled a margarita your crouch and everyone now calls you "Marga-pee-pee-pants" (a witty play on words). Or maybe your tongue got a little too loose and you revealed your love of Mein Kampf and now everyone calls you, "that horrible neo-Nazi guy we're trying to get fired." Well guess what? A man in Karatsu, Saga has it even worse than you.

A public employee in his 50s went drinking with his co-workers and then planned to take a 9:38 train home. Apparently he had done some serious drinking in between the time work ended and 9:00, because he was so drunk that he didn't get on the train! Can you imagine the razzing he'd get at the office the next day! But wait, there's more.

At some point he fell on the tracks and an out-of-service train ran him over. Oh, also he doesn't remember this. Actually, he doesn't remember anything until almost six hours later. At around 4:10 am he woke, saw that his left leg had been severed at the knee, and called for an ambulance. I'm sure there were a lot of fun jokes about how he can't handle his sake around the office! A lot of hop to it comments and stuff.

Source: Asahi Shimbun Online

Friday, April 11, 2014

Table Manners

Mom's telling kids not to play with their food exists in Japan as well. My question: What kind of sick child brain would think you could play with this? Faces are for eating, kid!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Family Party

Kyary's newest 8-bit single is about understanding what's important in life and staying with the people you love. I think that's why the video depicts her battling a robot in some sort of incomprehensible game. In the end, Kyary, the robot, and the effeminate referee are all winners... just like how families... space tournaments... demon dog... cake card.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Communist Poster

The communist party in Japan is still alive and sort of well. They only have 8 and 11 members in the lower and upper houses respectively, but their posters can be seen all over the country.  They claim to be Marxist, but they're just a normal left wing party. You'd think that at some point they might want to change the name, but apparently there's not too much of a stigma associated with the term "communist." Either that or the Japanese are just super into gulag culture.

The poster above is typical of their recent one's which often depict cartoon characters (I'm pretty sure Stalin used similar tactics). The dork lady is saying, "We won't forgive black companies!" Black companies are just companies that break labor laws, like having workers work more hours than are legal and the likes. The current laws don't seem to be enforced at all. Anyway, that four-eyes commie-scum has a point. Still, the counterpoint is so easy to make, "Go back to Russia! Oh, and by the way, only whores wear all purple! I spit on you and your children!"