Monday, June 29, 2015

Link Dump

Here's some crap to look at:

Girlbot likes this Delicare M's (M stands for men). It's a lotion to soothe and cool your itchy crotch.

There's apparently a school called Virgin Academia. It's supposed to help you lose your virginity, and the textbook is called Virgin Breaker. By the way, that reminds me of this Ecuadorian guy who many times asked me, "How many girls you breakin'? I breakin' 4 girls. How many you breakin'?" The schools "consept" is:
1. Virginity isn't the individual's problem, but rather a problem of society.
2. They want to give virgins an opportunity to study the knowledge and information they need.
3. They want to decrease the number of virgins (those who don't want to be virgins).

There was an interesting/morbid article about people who clean up dead people's apartment's. Specifically it's about people who died alone and weren't discovered for a long time. Apparently it's a booming business.

There hasn't been a lot of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu news on here lately, but she's still keeping it real.

Be the first (and last) person you know to know who The Falsettos are. This song reminds me a bit of The Walkmen.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Kindan No Tasuketsu - GOGO!! Kung-fu Dance

I believe Kindan No Tasuketsu translates to Forbidden Majority Rule. They are on Space Shower Music's record label. I've shared a bunch of Space Shower TV stuff before. Like that Mowmow Lulu Gyaban video was from them. I guess check out this video.

Kindan No Tasuketsu often ties to make strange videos. I picked up several new dance moves here, but I pretty much already knew that making the "I'm dead inside" face while doing ridiculous moves is cool. That main punch to the side and then hump your way to the other side (which I assume in the titular kung-fu dance) is definitely going to be used by me a lot. Also of note, "LSD" flashes on the screen for a tenth of a second or so.

The young lady in the black kung fu outfit is Tentenko. She appears to be the lead singer, but she isn't actually in the band. She's a former member of BiS (Brand-new Idol Society), a group of idols that claimed to be anti-idols. They played more rock type stuff. None of this matters.

That guy pretending to be a drunken businessman usually goes by Hounoki (or sometimes Kuzunari Hounoki). I think he writes everything and makes all the videos. It's weird that this is the type of music he makes because on their soundcloud page they cover songs like Totally Confused by Beck and In the Mouth a Desert by Pavement. They're just straight covers, and, of course, they're much worse than the originals because a Japanese person is trying to sing in English. I love both those songs, and they're so different from everything I've heard Hounoki write.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Sour Cream and Onion Cheetos

Japanese Food Review #102

Of course it's a historic day in the U.S. with gay marriage becoming legal in all 50 states. It's all anyone is talking about, including the always cool/hilarious Chester Cheetah!

I hadn't realized that people were referring to gay marriage as "new flamin' hot mix-ups". Anyway, glad to hear Chester voice his support. It's amazing he can say something so moving that also makes us chuckle.

On a sad note, Cheetos in Japan pretty much suck. They have two standard flavors, cheese and bbq. They're both quite sweet for what is supposed to be a savory snack. It is an abomination. Also, it is my duty to let you, the readers, know that I have always enjoyed sour cream and onion snacks, and that will influence the score I giveth to these.

Gaybot: 6.5  They were still a little sweet, but the sour cream and onion taste was good. They were the best Cheetos I've had in Japan.
Girlbot: 5  She's not huge on sour cream and onion.
Overall: 5.75

Friday, June 26, 2015

How to Score Hot Dudez

A lot of women write me asking for advice on how to find Mr. Right. It seems like all the macho guyz are already taken! But don't give up, ladies! Remember, guyz like NATURAL BEAUTIES! They also like girls who are passionate and approach everything they do with energy and spunk! And... why am I writing all this? Just mimic the girls in this video (every true dude'z image of the perfect lady), and you'll be just fine!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Takumi Kama

Let's admit it, these are strange times we live in. I mean, it's okay for a woman to be a woman, or for a man to be a woman, but for a man to be a REAL man? Apparently that's not acceptable in this modern world. Women are always saying that they want men to open up and share what they're thinking. But the second you tell them how you really feel, how you wish they were 16 or 17 years old..., and also maybe some sort of human-animal hybrid, all of a sudden you're "mentally unstable," and you "shouldn't be allowed near minors," and she "doesn't feel comfortable when you make eye-contact with her." Believe me, I learned the hard way not to share my true feelings with my better half.

Luckily, one artist is fighting back and depicting the world that all men wish were reality. His name is Takumi Kama, and he has completed his project entitled High School Animal Girls. You can see much of his art on his blog. Here's a taste of the pictures he has shared on twitter.

Support this dude.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015


Bossman: So we're increasing the size of the barley tea bottle. How are we going to let the public know?
Ron: Umm, I don't know, but I was thinking at the end, it could be a little girl waking up, and it was all a dream.
Kenji: Can I just point out that this is pretty much Ron's only suggestion ever.
Bossman: Still, a very intriguing concept. Any ideas about what happens before that, Ron?
Ron: Ahh, it's in Italy?
Kenji: I wonder if you thought of that because you just got back from your trip to Italy?
Bossman: Oh. yes! You must tell me about the trip at lunch today!
Ron: Sure thing, Bossman.
Bossman: Yes, this is sounding like a good commercial, but there should be something big... as a sort of metaphor for the larger bottle.
Kenji: ...Godzilla?
Bossman: Well, I don't want to get into my whole sexual history right now, but that's a no go for me. Any ideas, Ron?
Ron: ...Pig?
Kenji: Big makes you think of pigs?
Bossman: Wait, hear him out. Are you thinking of a giant, demon pig attacking an Italian village?
Ron: ...Yes?
Bossman: Hmm, we've definitely got something here.
Kenji: How about the little girl we used in the last grows really big to fight the pig?
Bossman: Yes! And then right before they do battle she... (points at Ron)
Ron: Drinks the tea thus gaining the ability to breathe fire!
Bossman: No, but I like that. Let's tack that on at the end. She's wakes up! It was all a dream!
Ron: Ha ha ha!

Salty Citrus of the Sun Gum

Japanese Gum Review #15

Unless you've been living under a rock or are not super interested in gum reviews, you've already heard the gum review that shocked the world.

This, clearly, is the gum review to end all gum reviews. Here at the Times, we seriously considered getting out of the gum review biz (short for business) entirely. But, on the other hand, there are new gums constantly appearing, and there is a chance that Larry King is not an immortal vampire or something, so someone we may have to carry on the torch. Of course we'll never be at his level, but we must keeping battling, honing our gum review skills.

With that in mind...

We'll be looking at another limited edition Fit's gum, Salty Citrus of the Sun. I guess it's a summah gum. The citrus, I believe, is grapefruit, and while there is a saltiness to the gum, it is not overpowering. Honestly, it reminded me of salt water taffy, which I always hated as a child. For some reason I liked it here (guess I'm growing up). This might just be in my mind, but the texture of this was better than normal Fit's gum. It was a bit thicker and better for blowing bubbles.

Gaybot: 7.5  A fun gum for the summah.
Girlbot: 5  She was happy it wasn't too salty, but she still wouldn't buy it again.
Overall: 6.25

Monday, June 22, 2015

Pasta Marketing

Sometimes it's so true what they say about no spaghetti. #nofilter

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Mowmow Lulu Gyaban - Farewell Mankind

Likely no one recalls the Times article about Mowmow Lulu Gyaban from three years ago. Anyway, they're funny/entertaining, and they've made a very solid video called さらば人類 or Farewell Mankind. Please enjoy.

It's not completely radical until 30 seconds in or so.

Umm, also here's a picture of the three member band:

Friday, June 19, 2015

Wasabi & Soy Sauce Doritos

Japanese Food Review #101

I know that I recently said that I don't like Doritos, but those were Royal Doritos and these are just the normal type. It turns out I don't really like these either. I guess they were pretty good for Doritos. They're no Nacho Cheese, though. The wasabi taste was strong and a little spicy. I couldn't really pick up on the soy sauce flavor. It was just salty. Why am I trying to explain this? The samurai dude on the package does a perfect job:

Gaybot: 5
Girlbot: 4  She does not like wasabi, but she was happy that these weren't too spicy.
Overall: 4.5