Everything you want to know.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015


Maybe this ad campaign exists in America as well, but it's pretty cool to market these bracelets to people who have no idea what they are.

Oh, man! You thought the original iPod was active and cool? Wait until you get a load of lord and savior Jesus Christ!

Yeah, this ancient religion is totally fresh like cowboy hats and neon wrist bands.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Royal Tandoori Chicken Doritos

Japanese Food Review #99

These were much better than the Keema Curry Doritos and actually had a flavor resembling tandoori chicken. Still, they weren't very good. Maybe I'm just getting to a point where I can't eat Doritos anymore, but I think it might just be the thickness of Royal Doritos. For some reason the flavor of the chip (not the powder) kept making me think of dog food.

Gaybot: 4.5  I have to give it a better rating than the curry ones.
Girlbot: 6  She ate one, said they were much better, even good, and then said she didn't want a second chip ever again. So... 6.
Overall: 5.25

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Dog Bread

This is another vending machine toy called inu-pan, meaning dog bread. There are six types in all.

It says the intended age for this product is 15 and older. I think it's probably true that a lot of 14-year-olds just don't get dog bread, you know? And also they might choke on it or get weird ideas. I had to tell my 2-year-old, "No! Maybe I'll let you touch it in 13 years. We'll see how mature you are then. This isn't some kind of toy! This is dog bread! Adults only!"

Let's take a closer look at the six types of dog bread.

Obviously the top three are the really high quality bread dogs. The doughnut one is cool as well, but what's with two waffle dogs? They're not even in the waffles. I really think they just put in a couple crap ones so if you get one of them, you feel like you have to buy another.

And wouldn't you know it, just my luck, I got a waffle dog. I'd even say it's the worse of the two waffle dogs.

I suppose I might get another one if I find myself drunk and with extra coins at the grocery store.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Cleaning Service

It's time for another what's in my mail today roundup. Oh, just an ad for a cleaning service.

I like how it looks like they just ripped open a bunch of garbage bags for the before picture. It says:

Don't have enough time to clean
Cleaning is bothersome
There's too much
You can't do it alone

All good reasons to get this cleaning service. Another good reason they forgot to add:

The cats that ordered you to collect garbage in this room have suddenly ordered you to paint a Confederate flag on the floor of said room.

I'm sure there are some other reasons your room might look like this, but I can't think of them right now. It does remind of my neighbor's home, so maybe a lot of people actually have rooms like this?

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Royal Keema Curry Doritos

Japanese Food Review #98

In the past, I've written about Gourmet Doritos. They are limited edition flavors of Doritos that are slightly thicker and the flavor is added twice (because spraying your edible cardboard with synthetic powdered cheese but one time is so pedestrian). Perhaps the days of Gourmet Doritos are behind us, because these are Royal Doritos but seem to be the exact same thing.

Frito Lay has released two Indian flavors at the same time. Today we'll be looking at the keema curry ones. First off, making thicker Doritos is a bad idea. The actual chip is still of the lowest quality, so twice as thin would be a better gimmick. The flavor here didn't really seem like curry, or I would never have guessed curry if I hadn't seen the bag. It tasted kind of like Don Tacos (fake taco flavor) except spicier. Also, there was maybe a little Cool Ranch in there.

Gaybot: 4  Not good, but I did end up finishing the bag over the course of three days (it's not a large bag).
Girlbot: 2  She could only stomach one chip.
Overall: 3

I did buy the other Royal Doritos flavor, so check back every hour to see if I wrote about that eating experience.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Mecha Comics

I don't know, I like looking at dogs dressed up as humans, so...

Mecha (mecya... whatever) means "a lot" or "super" or "really" depending on which word it's in front of. So mecha comic means basically "a lot of comics". It's a service that allows you to read comics on your phone or whatever device you think is "hip" (hip here does not refer to the body part but rather signifies that something is in fashion). In this New Year ad, the lyrics are something like:

I really really really really wanna read comics.
Wanna read wanna read wanna read mecha comics.
Search for it, tap and read right away!
Mecha macha macha mecha comic.

Here's the new summer commercial that also has humans at a spa.

In this one the dog has mecha written on him so the concept makes way more sense.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Great Christmas Jam

I thought I'd continue with the Christmas theme from yesterday. This dude, Jun Hashiba, is the best. I'll just quote the video description:

"I'm 52 years old and Japanese.I'm a "Rihanna,B**** Better Have My Money" fan.I write a music and I play it with a PC.Please listen to the music.It's short song.Thank you!"

I've had this song in my head for a couple days, and it's for sure going to be a part of my holiday playlist every year. In case you want to sing along, he posted the lyrics in the comments.

"All the lights are shining everywhere And children are singing christmas carols I hear sleigh bells in the distance Oh,We're having a wonderful christmastime    I was looking forward to Christmas And I'm so very glad you're here Santa brought you to my room tonight We'll celebrate here on christmas day   I say Merry ChristmasYou say Merry ChristmasOh yeah,Merry ChristmasThat only comes this time of year   I say Merry ChristmasYou say Merry ChristmasOh yeah,Merry ChristmasThat only comes this time of year"

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Cat & Parm

Just wanted to let you know about my new business Cat & Parm. You probably guessed from the name, but it's a company where I dress up my cat in various Santa outfits and surround him in "snow" (parmesan cheese). I'm not sure about the next step yet. Probably posters where the cat is thinking cute thoughts of baby Jesus. I'll probably need $20,000 to really get started. Please tell me how much you want to invest in the comments. Also, please don't steal my idea.

Ha ha ha, lol!!! If you couldn't tell, the company meant to write Cut & Perm. It really did take me a second to realize it wasn't some sort of cat salon.

It truly is the purrrr-fect crime!

Friday, May 8, 2015

Ichimi Kit Kat

Japanese Food Review #97

Ichimi means "one flavor" and is just red chili pepper. It's a very common seasoning in Japan. Kit Kat often comes out with limited (time-wise) editions of flavors, but they also have flavors that can only be purchased in certain parts of Japan. They make good souvenirs, I guess. This one is from Shinshu, which is the old name for Nagano. Apparently they like chili peppers there.

The chocolate was darker than that of a normal Kit Kat, which I consider a good thing. At first, I couldn't taste any spice at all. It was only after swallowing that the spice hit me. (That's what she said?) It wasn't super spicy, but some heat was certainly there. It kind of reminded me of some chocolate I've had in America, like Tobasco Spicy Chocolate, but not nearly as spicy.

Gaybot: 6  It's interesting enough, but I don't feel the need to head to Nagano for more.
Girlbot: 6  She said it was better than she was expecting.
Overall: 6

There you have it. 666 the sign of the devil! Great work Kit Kat.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Clean Hands

This poster explains the six steps required to wash your hands.

It's in a public bathroom with no soap. There aren't even empty soap dispensers. Just no soap. What an interesting culture!