Everything you want to know.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Happy Easter


Looks like the Japanese are finally adopting the traditional practice of decorating trees with eggs for Easter.

On a side note:

Yeah, so Jesus was born  in the dead of winter. That's why we chop down a tree. Yeah, and he died in the spring sometime, so we decorate eggs, which I believe represent death in all cultures. Got it... wait! What the hell are you doing, Yoshi?! Eggs in a tree? You fool! The dying tree represents birth not rebirth! Plastic grass is rebirth! What...? Of course pink plastic grass is fine! What...? No you can not pleasure yourself after you're finished decorating! What are you thinking?! I have to say, Yoshi, that was a strange question even for you, and I... Yoshi...? Where did you go? Yoshi! You're scaring me, Yoshi... I... Wait..., was there ever a Yoshi... or was I Yoshi all along?

If someone from the New Yorker is reading this, yes, you can publish that story.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Shoe Trouble

I don't want to get too preachy, but I do want the young readers out there to realize that looking at your feet before you leave home in the morning is fairly important. I didn't look at my feet yesterday until after I had completed the fifteen minute walk to the station. It was then that I finally noticed I was wearing one of my normal work shoes and one of my ugliest tennis shoes. It was too late to go back home, and I ended up wearing small, pink slippers at work all day. The slippers were likely designed for women, and they also looked like common bathroom slippers here in Japan.

A lot of people laughed at me and all that jazz. One woman who worked at my son's daycare looked very puzzled and asked what was going on with my shoes. I told her I had simply made a mistake and left it at that. She stared at me for a good five seconds and then said, "American joke?"

Monday, March 16, 2015

Poop Points


These are the directions for a game at the arcade near my home.

1. Put in a token!
          There's a slot for tokens on both the right and left!

2. Push the button to give food!
           Carefully aim for the fish!
                The food drops from the top!

If a hungry fish eats the food, you'll get tokens! (or a token?)
If a fish that's not hungry eats the food, "poop" will come out!

*The poop is saying, "Collect me!"

If you collect poop points, what will happen!?


A couple thoughts:

Obviously I'm willing to spend quite of bit of money to find out what happens when I collect poop points. It could only be something amazing.

It seems like step 2 is a little longer than step 1. Perhaps they could restructure the steps?

I really liked the use of exclamation points here. They really let me understand which sentences I should be excited for.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Momoiro Clover Z vs KISS



I think most of us thought Kiss had reached their pinnacle when they named their arena football team after themselves, but somehow this band just keeps getting better! This time they've hooked up with Momoiro Clover Z to make a couple of "rocking" songs. Also, it's the same song twice. The main difference is that Kiss sings the main part on "Samurai Son". That version will be released on a Kiss CD and not the internet. This is because their biggest fans are mostly autistic 50-year-olds and are much better at CDs than youtube.

Above is the Momocuro version. The cartoon only part stops around the 1:40 mark. After that you can finally see some men in their 60s wearing clown make-up.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Tips for the Ladies




Here's kind of a cute sign about getting molested. I think it basically says that if you get molested you should:

1. Lift up your leg and arch your back. Basically try to be the biggest girl you can be. Maybe the molester will sympathize with you. Who knows? You might even make him into a feminist!

2. Scream for help in a foreign language. Studies have shown that most people don't like women from their own country.

3. Try not to keep your eyes closed the whole time and look for some distinguishing features the molester might have. For example, does he have a giant mustache instead of a nose? A tip like this might help the police nab your man!

Just kidding! This sign says to be careful of molesters. Also, "Dark, lonely roads are dangerous." This road is right in front of an elementary school. LOL!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Lucky Koala Poop Paper

A visual approximation of the scientist who
 came up with the with this super fun idea.
Higashiyama Zoo in Nagoya had a really good way to attract visitors today: mix up dried koala poop with milk cartons and make some paper with a koala picture.

Okay, that sounds a little silly, but they also wrote, "certainly pass," on it, so it's not that crazy. The promotion was aimed at students who will be taking exams this spring. Many of them buy lucky charms at temples and shrines before tests. It stands to reason that a little poop couldn't hurt. The idea was that koalas don't fall (from trees), and in Japanese the same verb is used for fall and fail a test. Also, the word for poop is "unchi" and the word for luck is "un." That's why you sometimes see lucky poop. Also, koalas are always intoxicated, so it's probably a way to tell students that it's cool to steal a little bit of your dad's whiskey every now and again. You can see a picture of the paper on the link below.

Source: Chunichi Shimbun Online

Friday, November 21, 2014

Robot Baseball... Jackie Robotson?????

In the 90s, many believed that the game Super Baseball 2020 was simply science-fiction. Their small brains couldn't understand how much human brains yearn for the day when men, women, and robots, yes robots, all compete in a futuristic baseball match. Also, home runs should only count if you hit it to center. There should be like glass or something covering the crowd so the ball falls back into play. That would be awesome. Also, why doesn't baseball have "stop zones" where the ball automatically stops yet?

Well, it seems that we may only be six short years from seeing games played at Cyber Egg Stadium (such a cool name)!


It's cool that they even made it look like a 90s video. It's good to know that there are at least a few dedicated scientists trying to answer the question, "Can I devote my entire life to making something no one wants at all?"

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Mustard Chips (No Spice No Life)

Japanese Food Review #91

You're likely all aware that my mantra is, "No spice no life." It's pretty much running through my head all the time, and, yes, on more than a few occasions I've ended up screaming it at an unsuspecting stranger. Well, imagine my surprise to find it written on a bag of chips! That wasn't the first thing I noticed, however. That would be that young, sweaty, Hitler-like character clutching some mustard. This bag has everything you'd want.

It's made by Calbee, which, if you wrote out the Japanese in English, would actually be Karubii. But here on this bag in giant writing it reads, "Karabii." This is because they've combined "karaii" (spicy) with Calbee. It's super witty and fun.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 8  This may be a little high, but they were very good. They really tasted like spicy mustard and were still that same high-quality Calbee chip.
Girlbot: 7 She said they were better than she had expected.
Overall: 7.5

Kikagaku Moyo

Kikagaku Moyo (meaning "Geometric Patterns") is a Japanese band. In an interview for the Austin Psych Fest, their drummer claims they don't fit into one genre of music. On the other hand, they have a sitar player in the band. Not a dude that can play the sitar but usually plays guitar... A sitar player. In the same interview, he says the name comes from one of the first nights they were playing together. They jammed all night in the dark, and he could see geometric patterns behind his eyelids. "We were between sleep and awake..." Anyway, I think it's safe to say they're a 60s psychedelic revivalist band... or something.

They came out with their first EP in 2013 and have two out this year. This is from the latest, Forest of Lost Children. It's worth listening to the whole thing.