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Friday, July 11, 2014

Learning about Poop

This is a new exhibit at a science museum in Tokyo. Kids learn about poop by putting on poop hats and sliding down a toilet into the exciting, poop-filled sewer. After that, they can listen to the toilet chorus sing. And of course there's a stand where they can make clay poops and set them in Japanese style toilets. I mean, this is science were talking about. I guess it's a little boring, but at least the kids are learning.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Spicy Pizza Potato Chips Review

Japanese Food Review #84
I was a big fan of Calbee's Pizza Potato series when I first came to Japan. They're potato chips that claim to have real cheese and pizza toppings on them. As time has gone on, perhaps my brain has realized that this is a gross concept (storing real cheese at room temperatures is gross, but this is obviously not real cheese), and I'm less enamored with them. Still, my tastebuds enjoy the flavor that is mildly reminiscent of pizza, and I find that I'm often compelled to purchase the limited edition flavors. The newest edition is just the normal chip with chili pepper added. You can see that it has received a grade of 5 out of 6 chili peppers. The chips were kind of spicy.

Gaybot: 4  They were worse than the originals.
Girlbot: 5   Her initial reaction was to give them a 4 for not being spicy enough. The second chip was apparently spicy enough to garner a 5.
Overall: 4.5

Friday, June 27, 2014

Happy Water Life Service

I think this guy is starting some new age Poseidon cult or something. Wait, no, that's my plumber.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Kira Kira Killer

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's new song is called Kira Kira Killer. It could be translated to "Sparkling Killer".  She's apparently some super hero. At the beginning of the song, she chants, "L-U-C-K!" but she can't really pronounce "L" like an English speaker, so that's fun. Kira backwards in Japanese is raki or lucky, so the chorus is that over and over. My horrible translation of the chorus:

Sparkling Killer lucky lucky lucky
Look, the future is happy happy happy
Sparkling killer from the sky now
Coming now 1, 2, 3, 4
Sparkling Killer lucky lucky lucky
Look, the future is happy happy happy
Sparkling Killer thump thump thump* fall in love
Sparkling Killer Sparkling Killer
Sparkling Killer magical power
Completely a Sparkling Killer

*a heart beating sound

Obviously people will debate the significance of these lyrics for centuries to come, but we can all agree that killers create at least a bit of happiness in this crazy world. Also, lucky, lucky, lucky.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Mercedes' Mario Commercial

Have you seen this commercial yet? First it asks what a Mercedes GLA would look like if it were in an 8-bit world. Apparently it would be able to jump the flag pole and Mario would get his wish of becoming a human. Then it asks, "What would the real Mario be like? Turns out he'd be this really ugly super hero that still dies when stuff touches his shin. I prefer John "The Pest" Leguizamo's take on that reality a bit more, but it's pretty tough for anyone to out do the late, great Leguizamo.


Well, It looks like the robots are just about ready to take over the world. Japanese scientists have developed Kodomoroid (meaning kid-roid). It's supposed to look like a ten-year-old girl and is designed to read the news. Basically it's just a moving mannequin that uses some crappy voice technology. It has been reported that the voice can be changed, and you can even choose a man's voice. A ten-year-old robot girl with a man's voice? Maybe a little too erotic for the news if you ask me. The scientists also produced Otonaroid (or adult-roid). Look at her use her nimble hands.

Just a few modifications and she could be an unstoppable terminator.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Real Mario Kart

Saw these two dudes cruising around town the other day. A couple of notes:

-An old man asked them what they were doing, and they said they were just aimlessly driving around. Also, they were just driving with normal traffic on big, busy roads.
-All the pedestrians I saw were legitimately excited to see them. One grown woman screamed with excitement, and about six people in their sixties came out of a restaurant to get a better look.
-These dudes were both talking on flip phones, so one can surmise that they spent a large amount of their incomes on go karts/Mario and Luigi costumes.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Weekly Update

Some of the highlights here at the Times from the last week.

  • Saw a dad with his three young daughters wearing a "I lost my virginity in Cancun" hat at the park.

  • Talked to an old man who used to run some shops. He said that if he found out an employee was stealing a little cash from him, he wouldn't do anything. Apparently the employees that stole were also the best salesmen. There's a tip for all you aspiring salesmen (sorry, ladies, I don't think it would work for you).

  • Found a section at the park where 4 leaf clovers aren't so uncommon. Guess who has three 4 leaf clovers, losers!!!! Girlbot wants to buy a bunch of lottery tickets. Seems pretty logical.

Saturday, June 14, 2014


A lot of dudez out there don't believe me when I tell them I get more birds (popular US slang for women) than I can handle. They often say things like, "You're nose is the wrong shape for a human face," or, "I hate the way you talk." Hey, all I know is the birds dig what I'm selling. You really want to know my secret....

Behold my motor trike!

Monday, June 9, 2014

Caddie GoluGolu - Say Fore

I guess golf caddies in Japan are often old women? I, for one, would much rather have a grandma carrying around my clubs than some young man who's always talking about how his knees don't hurt. This group is supposed to be a bunch of those caddies, and they're singing about following golf's rules. First, they kick a guy for not yelling, "Fore!" Later, they absolutely rip into some guyz for not following the dress code. They also get angry at some golfers for playing to slowly.

This seems like somebody saw The Obachan Theme and decided they could make some money making a funny old lady song. It seems like the market is ripe for a few more Japanese elderly women rap groups.